saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
