I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
