i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I am one with the molecules
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
