My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
