I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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