so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
