do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
