Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you traded sex for a burrito?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
