cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We had to coat check the pizza.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
