im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
