Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
