I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
