I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dick very happy bro
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
