WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
