omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
