Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
