you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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