So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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