did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
