Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
