it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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