OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Four minutes until I can fart!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
