She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
