just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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