This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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