I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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