Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Randomize
