I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
