i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Drake has all the answers
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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