Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
