my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
