girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
