wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
