The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
