Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
