I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
