I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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