He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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