I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
