can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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