i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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