Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
