I wish I could punch you in the face.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Boobs are out for the taking
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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