What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
