hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The beer is more important than you right now.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
