if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
