And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
