You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
