were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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