all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
