Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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