we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
