what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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